Midnight Quills

…And uninjured…

It’s raining.

It’s Tasmania, that’s not a big deal. The joys, though, about rain is that one of the banes of my existence come out and colour the grey with their brightness.

It’s the umbrella.

Don’t get me wrong, I totally get the value of umbrellas. The classic black, long one allows an extra step of class on a wet day when you stroll down the street using it as a cane – not to mention an advantage if you ever get into a duel. Then, they do also protect you from the wet.

The problem I find is that the moment people put up an umbrella, they seem to forget that there are other people on the footpath too, and suddenly, it makes me want to hit you.

So here’s a few points of Umbrella Etiquette to remember.

1. Get off the wall.
   Okay, this is the big one, and my main reason for venting on the topic. I don’t know how many times I’m walking down the street in the rain, and some jerk holding an umbrella is walking pressed up against the wall, where the minimal amount of shelter is – and forcing other people without an umbrella to walk out and around them.YOU HAVE AN UMBRELLA!Which means YOU can be the one to step out into the rain, and let others who don’t have that protection get the little bit of coverage they can.

   Seriously, I actually find myself wanting to push you out of the way when you do this.

2. You’re not as small with it.
   Okay, this should be common sense. When you’re holding an umbrella, it takes up more horizontal space than you do (okay, in most cases it does). You need to take into account that the gap between two people might fit you, but your umbrella might not. Lift it up, or walk around them rather than between them.
3. You currently have spikes.
   Following on from point two: You have spikes, so when you do try to walk between those two people, not only do they get hit with said umbrella, but it’s quite possible that you’ll take someone’s eye out. I don’t normally advocate an eye for an eye, but in some cases…
4. It’s wet.
   That stuff the umbrella’s protecting you from? It’s water. Water flows. So when you stop at a set of traffic lights next to someone, chances are that water’s going to drip off your nice protection and get someone else even wetter than they already are.
   And trust me, while I might be okay with dealing with the softness of rain, when I suddenly get a flow of water like someone turned a tap on over my shoulder, I will always declare that the following flailing fist was an involuntary nervous reaction to its sudden drenching.
5. It folds up.
   If you’re not in the rain any more, fold it away – you can dry it out when you get home. At your house. On your carpet.

So next time you’re strolling down the street and want to pull out the umbrella and stay dry – feel free, but remember those of us without one. Rain rage doesn’t exist yet – but don’t rule it out!