Critical Role is probably, arguably, the most well known Dungeons and Dragons game in the world, if it’s not, it’s very high up there. A group of “nerdy-ass voice actors,” get together each week to play D&D while the rest of us “Critters” get to share in their adventures vicariously. In a recent episode, it turned out that Cadence (my bard character) was watching over my shoulder, and she put this together. (SPOILERS AHEAD)
CRITICAL ROLE SPOILERS AHEAD
If you’re against spoilers, then please, do not read any further until after you’ve seen Critical Role Campaign 2, Episode 45.
The Tale of Nott, the Brave
Come with me children, allow me to share
The tale of Nott, the Brave in the lair
Of a vile blue dragon and a being of fire.
So come, fill your flagon with ale or wine.
For our tale starts with just one, foolish touch
Of a half-orc named Fjord, who didn’t think much.
Reaching out t’ward a window he disappeared to thin air
And wound up alone in the blue dragon’s lair
His friends tried to find him, all the while he stalled,
Trying to tell the dragon, “I’m not here for the gold,”
If the dragon believed him, Fjord’s reasoning was moot,
As it opened its jaws seeing nothing but food.
Then just when it seemed, that Fjord’s fate was sealed;
A pop in the air, and Beau and Jester revealed!
When each of them realised this was no scene gentle,
Beau took out a ruby, BOOM! Fire Elemental!
As the dragon breathed lightning at Jester and Beau,
Came Cadeuceus and Twiggy to help deal with this foe.
They sought a way out of this terrible scene,
A crystal discovered by the warlock of green.
“Do I touch it? I daren’t!” Said a hesitant Fjord,
And he blasted the dragon who glanced at him, bored.
Then into the fray danced Jester the Gleeful,
Transformed the terror to a tiny crimson weasel.
And so for a moment, it seemed they had won
‘Cept Beau’s fire elemental, well, it wasn’t done.
As the weasel crashed down to the floor with a squeak,
Flaming fists lashed out in a furious streak.
Before you could blink, the dragon returned
And t’ward the blue tiefling, his fury did burn.
A bright streak of lightning from its mouth did spurt,
Jester clenched her fists and screamed, “Ow! That Hurt!”
A rebuke against lightning, the ice gathered round her,
It did not hit the dragon, but the crystal behind her.
A soft streak of light cursed down the passage,
Jester yelled to her friends, “That was cold damage!”
With one crystal active, Cadeuceus did try
To turn on the other with his holy fire.
But nothing availed, and the half-orc again
Came up with an idea that could only cause pain
A cool frosty armour surrounded Fjord’s frame
He head-butted the crystal, and stepped back in a daze.
Again, the light streaked across the cave’s floor below
And at the end of the chamber a sphere ‘gan to glow.
With Jester now holding, the dragon’s attention
Beau checked the sphere and was sucked from the dimension!
The elemental roared, and began setting fire
To any and everything that raised its ire.
So our friends realised, it’s time now to retreat,
One by one made their way to the sphere of blue-green.
With Fjord’s disappearance, Nott and Caleb dropped in;
No doubt in an instant, It’s the darkest timeline.
Cadeuceus swept by them, “We’re running. It’s bad!”
And before they could wonder, the Firbolg had fled.
With no one in sight, Caleb made for the orb
Following the path of Beau, Cadeuceus, and Fjord.
Then Jester appeared, blinking back into sight
Nott, the Brave realised there still was a fight.
She fired her crossbow up at the dragon;
Refusing to leave her blue friend abandoned.
When came the moment to finally escape.
Nott sneered at the dragon, and casually stepped away.
She drew it’s attention, it lashed out with its jaw
And the heroic goblin dropped one knee to the floor.
Bloodied and heaving, a crossbow bolt took flight
“Go! Now!” Yelled Jester, and Nott vanished from sight.
Alone and on fire, Jester fled to the orb,
And reaching out, vanished from the dragon’s gold hoard.
But before we follow, our Jester and Nott.
There’s one more person, who you might have forgot.
The small gnome named Twiggy stood up at the end,
And fired one last arrow. “This is for my only FRIENDS!”
And never an arrow has more truly flown
Than Twiggy’s last shot to this blue dragon.
And so from the gnome, some may call a bit part,
Her arrow pierced deeply the blue dragon’s heart.
And as Twiggy the Loyal, placed her hand on the sphere;
Found herself on the deck, of the familiar Ball Eater.
Her eyes couldn’t hide it, the excitement within.
“I killed it! The dragon!” She cried with a grin.
Now whether or not her new friends believed,
They could only be grateful for this newfound reprieve.
And so with a stronger bond between friends,
The Nein fell to rest, and there our tale ends.
For friendship and loyalty are the lesson today,
And even though Twiggy’s been sent on her way,
We’ll still follow the others on their journey to sea,
They call themselves Nine, because Nott is worth three.
Image Credit: Thanks heaps to the amazing @Cyborg_Cinders for allowing me to use their spectacular artwork of Jester and Nott in the wake of the battle. You can find more of their work at the links below: