Midnight Quills

So, I have kind of a backlog of blog topics to right about sitting on my desk at home – I think the whole thing of not having a desktop internet connection at home is an obvious hindrance to someone who writes and contributes online. Must get that sorted.

Still, before I get to those other topics, there was something that I wanted to write about.

There’s been a bit of a theme running through my life over the past week or so. I’ve had recurring thoughts and messages coming through on the same topic – about just being me.

A lot of people know that I’ve been on a bit of a journey to try and lose weight and get my body back into shape, regain my fitness and health and so on. I’ve been going at it for about 12 months now, and honestly, I haven’t actually made a great headway into the losing weight side of things. I’m probably fitter now than I was at the beginning, but I don’t feel smaller or lighter.

The thing is, though, this morning I had this little epiphany in the shower (why do all epiphanies happen in the bathroom or toilet? I started thinking that maybe part of the reason why I haven’t been able to make the relevant changes in my life that will allow me to reach these goals comes down to having the wrong perspective on things.

See, my whole mindset has been this perspective of being able to love myself and feel good about myself when I can finally look at my body and not see the fat guy, but see someone fit and healthy; where I’d see someone who could be loved and cared for by other people.

Here’s the problem with that – a large part of my problem revolves around emotional eating and lack of motivation that comes from not feeling good enough.

This just creates a horrible paradox. I want to look better to feel better, but I struggle to get motivated to take action while I’m feeling crap about myself.

The thing that I’ve suddenly realised that I need to learn is to be capable of accepting who I am, where I am and what I’m doing right now.

And that’s the message.

Do it now.

I don’t think that it’s just in this situation where we have a tendency to want to wait for things to be in the right place before we do something. I’ve known a lot of couples who were waiting for the right time to have a baby, or people who are waiting for things to be sorted before they step into God’s plan, or in my case, waiting for a better image to feel better about myself.

We’re never going to be completely ready, and if we wait to be ready for something, then we’ll always be waiting, because really, it’s just an excuse not to do it now; and I know excuses – there’s always another one ready when the current one runs out of juice.

So I’m figuring for me, I need to start loving and accepting the person I am right now and then trying to improve on that, rather than thinking that the improvement will lead to the self-love and acceptance.

What do you need to start doing now?