Same-Sex Marriage. It’s arguably one of the hottest topics in the world right now.
I want to address, first, two thoughts that have been on my mind for quite some time as this topic’s gone through the media, internet and conversation and so on. Most will like one thought and despise the other.
- Proponents of same sex marriage continually fall back on the reasoning that homosexuality is natural. This is actually a fair call, homosexual behaviour has been observed in over 1500 species of animal. Let’s clarify, firstly, that this is homosexual behaviour, not necessarily homosexuality. One of my mates drunkenly kissed me at midnight on New Year’s Eve a couple of years ago – that doesn’t make us gay, but it does constitute homosexual behaviour.
Separate to this argument, though, I also want to point out another behaviour that is observed in over 1500 species of animal: Cannibalism. Last I checked, we’re not about to start saying cannibalism should be legal based on the fact that it’s “natural” are we?
- “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.” ~ Matthew 5:31-32
Now, last I checked, church congregations aren’t banning or refusing to perform marriages of divorcees. Yet according to Jesus, by performing marriage ceremonies for divorcees, Christian leaders are not only condoning, but actually facilitating it! I’m sorry, but if Christians are going to argue that same-sex marriage should not be made legal because of it’s biblical sanctity, then shouldn’t the restrictions be spread across the whole thing?
My opinion is simple: As much as I would like to stand against same-sex marriage because of it’s biblical context, I can’t.
The fact is that most of the people on either side of this debate aren’t even arguing on the same topic. On the one hand you have people arguing for the spiritual sanctity of marriage, a covenant between God, man and woman to the exclusion of all others, til death do us part.
This, in my heart, is true marriage.
On the other side, though, of the same-sex marriage coin (which isn’t even the same coin as above), we have the argument that all ‘committed’ relationships deserve equal recognition in the eyes of the law. I use quotes around ‘committed,’ because the modern, legalised marriage doesn’t exactly have the same veracity as ‘to the exclusion of all others, til death do us part.’ We’ve seen the examples of this on Facebook and the internet, too: Jesse James; Tiger Woods; Elizabeth Taylor; Kim Kardashian and Britney Spears, just to name a handful.
Sorry, but in my eyes, this isn’t marriage – not as God defined it, not as the bible defines it and not as it’s meant to be.
So what, then, do we do? What do I think? Frankly, as I said above, I’d like to stand against it, but I can’t in good conscience do that. We live in a secular society; that’s just fact. The law of the land isn’t the law of God here.
Does that mean we should just lie down and capitulate, though? No!
This isn’t a fight, though, that’s going to be won by standing up against same-sex marriage. The only thing that serves to do is paint the Church as hypocritical and judgmental, two things that Jesus condemned the Pharisees for being when he was walking this Earth.
I can only come back to a blog entry I wrote on this topic several months back. Love is the answer. Love is the way.
I can disagree with someone. I can say that their behaviour is wrong. The only way I’m going to get that message through, though, is to love them.
So in the spirit of the ‘backlog’ I mentioned in my last post, I figured I should actually take the time to sit down and write some of these blogs up that I’ve been thinking about and half-composing in my head.
Recently I received the following text from a female friend:
“I’ve decided to be mean to guys I don’t know from now on. Last night at work a guy rang the store after he purchased stuff and asked me out for coffee! He obviously mistook my friendliness for interest. I need to break my niceness cycle.”
Personally, I think everyone should say yes to coffee.
I pointed out to my friend a few things that maybe girls need to understand about guys. First of all, asking you out for coffee doesn’t necessarily mean that we mistook your friendliness for interest. More than likely, what it says is that we mistook your niceness for… Well… Niceness.
Here’s the thing. Coffee is not a date – well, either that, or I’m bisexual and not yet aware of it. Coffee is hanging out; getting to know you in a casual and comfortable environment where there’s no need to feel too much pressure or expectation.
As a guy, though, why wouldn’t we ask you out for coffee if we think you’re nice?
Take it as a compliment!
You can’t make a judgment of someone on first meeting, not accurately. First impressions last, yes, but my experience has been that second and third impressions are stronger.
Saying yes to coffee means that, at worst, you get a free coffee. At the other end of the spectrum, you enjoy an hour chatting to someone, maybe make a new friend, and who knows, perhaps he’ll even turn out to be something more down the track.
The fact is that we can’t read your minds. We don’t know, on that first conversation, if you’re interested or if you’re just nice. Why shouldn’t we at least ask the question?
I’m not a huge Jim Carrey fan, but I really enjoyed the movie Yes Man. While I’m not saying we should all say yes to everything, the fact is that there’s a reason the cliché says that you ultimately only regret the things you didn’t do.
Personally, I find the things I say yes to – even those that don’t turn out quite how I hoped – are the things that I look back on most fondly.
So say yes to coffee. You never know just what good might come out of it!
So, I have kind of a backlog of blog topics to right about sitting on my desk at home – I think the whole thing of not having a desktop internet connection at home is an obvious hindrance to someone who writes and contributes online. Must get that sorted.
Still, before I get to those other topics, there was something that I wanted to write about.
There’s been a bit of a theme running through my life over the past week or so. I’ve had recurring thoughts and messages coming through on the same topic – about just being me.
A lot of people know that I’ve been on a bit of a journey to try and lose weight and get my body back into shape, regain my fitness and health and so on. I’ve been going at it for about 12 months now, and honestly, I haven’t actually made a great headway into the losing weight side of things. I’m probably fitter now than I was at the beginning, but I don’t feel smaller or lighter.
The thing is, though, this morning I had this little epiphany in the shower (why do all epiphanies happen in the bathroom or toilet? I started thinking that maybe part of the reason why I haven’t been able to make the relevant changes in my life that will allow me to reach these goals comes down to having the wrong perspective on things.
See, my whole mindset has been this perspective of being able to love myself and feel good about myself when I can finally look at my body and not see the fat guy, but see someone fit and healthy; where I’d see someone who could be loved and cared for by other people.
Here’s the problem with that – a large part of my problem revolves around emotional eating and lack of motivation that comes from not feeling good enough.
This just creates a horrible paradox. I want to look better to feel better, but I struggle to get motivated to take action while I’m feeling crap about myself.
The thing that I’ve suddenly realised that I need to learn is to be capable of accepting who I am, where I am and what I’m doing right now.
And that’s the message.
Do it now.
I don’t think that it’s just in this situation where we have a tendency to want to wait for things to be in the right place before we do something. I’ve known a lot of couples who were waiting for the right time to have a baby, or people who are waiting for things to be sorted before they step into God’s plan, or in my case, waiting for a better image to feel better about myself.
We’re never going to be completely ready, and if we wait to be ready for something, then we’ll always be waiting, because really, it’s just an excuse not to do it now; and I know excuses – there’s always another one ready when the current one runs out of juice.
So I’m figuring for me, I need to start loving and accepting the person I am right now and then trying to improve on that, rather than thinking that the improvement will lead to the self-love and acceptance.
What do you need to start doing now?